no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
