We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize