The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
