I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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