soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
