Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Even my vagina gasped.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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