Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
