I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
