Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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