pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
