I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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