So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
