I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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