It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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