Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
