so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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