im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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