sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
