I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
