it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
one two three fourrrrnication!
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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