Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
