I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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