the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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