He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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