If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
What happened to fro yo and sex?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
