im drinking this country out of the recession.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
