I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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