Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
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