Umm I'm too high to move.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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