Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
