I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
