You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
if only i could text you this smell
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
