Where did you get a picture of my penis
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
