So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
