I hate all girls vehemently.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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