How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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