i would punch a child for taco bell
He kissed a someone with a penis
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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