what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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