Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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