Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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