I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
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