Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
