Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Still dying that you shit outside
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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