fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
