I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
