just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
