ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
