She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
this beer tastes like vomit already
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize