I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
