I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
