maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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