so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
