you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize