I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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