I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize