I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
