i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
