There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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