God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
