I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
