I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
