Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
