he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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